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Hannah Suzanne

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Friends Only [23 Mar 2013|05:13pm]

Just one little comment and you'll have the key to my world. As long as I don't know you.
3 smiles| make me happy?

Terrible me. [30 Mar 2009|08:29pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Oh deary me. What a shame that I haven't been here. Oh well, I shan't dwell on the past. I had a wonderful Christmas last year, best Christmas ever at Peter's house, and so many presents! I've painted my room in the coolest colours; purple, blue and red. I've nearly finished school, failed to get into Cambridge, but accepted St Andrews with an unconditional. (I have two mums so far, I only need to find a dad now.)

But most important of all, I am planning my gap year around the world. Peter and I want to go around the world without flying! It's gonna be hard, and it would suck if we failed, but there's no harm in trying.

I've written this letter to all my friends and family, and I thought I'd post it here in case anyone might remember that I exist. :P

If anyone does want to donate that would be so amazing. And also I'd maybe love to meet some of you, so if you want I can add your email address to my travel blog (http://www.travelpod.com/members/miffyanddougle) so you can keep up to date with the entries, and if we're travelling nearby let us know and you could show us around (or maybe put us up for the night if we're not being too cheeky).

Here's the letter.Collapse )

3 smiles| make me happy?

Talents revealed for you to do as you please. [23 Jul 2007|11:22pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I have an announcement to make!

icon_leish icon_leish icon_leish icon_leish icon_leish icon_leish icon_leish icon_leish icon_leish icon_leish

This is the project I'd been working on (a graphics journal), finished a while ago but I've decided to release it now while I should be in the land of nod. If you like what you see, add me!

It's such a pleasure making things, and seeing people enjoying and using them, I hope to continue and progress and reflect. The layout irritates me a bit, I couldn't get it to work as I wanted, so mabye I'll work on a new layout soon.

6 smiles| make me happy?

We are greedy in eating and pimping. [13 Jul 2007|06:16pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Here are some lims that are signing up at the moment which may interest you. I look forward to some good competition, with some friends on my f'list of course. So join.

sawyer_lims (needs two more members to start)
lost_cast_lims (needs 8 more members)
lotr_lims (starts July 28th)


3 smiles| make me happy?

Help for the Ignorant [04 Jan 2007|06:23pm]
I got a £10 gift voucher for Amazon.co.uk and after spending forever trying to find things that's be really good and worth and I'd love to death I've come up with three films: The Basketball Diaries, Everything Is Illuminated and Nell. It's based on actors I love, Leonardo Di Caprio, Elijah Wood and Jodie Foster. It was so hard to narrow it down though because there were many more I wanted and adore. But these three stood out even though I've never heard of them and got really great reviews and ratings. Am I making a big mistake with any of them or is there something completely and utterly supberb that I've missed out on?
4 smiles| make me happy?

Scissors! Cut! [18 Dec 2006|04:38pm]
I've cut a couple of people because it was rather pointless. I never really read your entries and I doubt you read mine, so if you really don't want to be cut you may ask to remain, I guess. Sorry to put you through the hassle in the first place, when I asked for friendingness...
4 smiles| make me happy?

Why hello there. Let me introduce myself... [26 Nov 2006|11:59am]
[ mood | excited ]

Well yeah, I haven't been around for a long while now and it's going to be a long while longer. However, I have found a bit of time to give a little update, and give me some time to relax. I didn't know that it was possible to be so busy. Firstly I was the stage manager for The Tempest, in which I had a great time and experience, and that took up some of half term and two weekends. And slowly my mocks were approaching, which are now all of a sudden next week. I've barely revised and what's really scary is that I have to do this big art piece on Tuesday which takes up the whole day and I don't even know what I'm going to do. We've also had enough drama coursework to fill the Grand Canyon which was due for two weeks ago. I'm only half way. Then I have to learn 3 pages of Spanish for my speaking and writing exam, so I haven't really even started revising for geography, physics, biology, chemistry, English, maths, p.e., r.e. and God knows what else. *freaks out* However, I don't have to be at school when I don't have an exam, it's really exciting! Lol.

Anyway, I have fallen in love with Liv Tyler, she is the most awesome woman ever, I admire her so much. I watched Stealing Beauty, the film I got for Georgia, and it is so good, I'm desperate to steal it and watch it over and over. Plus, Liv is a size 12 UK which makes me so happy. I know that I can drop two sizes and be accepted to the film world, being not the skinniest person ever. She really makes me want to be an actress, if I can be half as good as her I'll be over the moon. It's just that first I want to go to uni, so by the time I really go for acting, I won't be really young anymore. *sigh*

I.E. is driving me nuts. I am leaving it once and for all. I never thought I'd say this, but go Firefox!

OMG, I'm having surgery tomorrow. I'm actually really excited, because I've always wanted to be put asleep. I'll wake up with 4 or 5 missing teeth on the top row. Wahey. But then I have to go to Spain with scary looking teeth. I'm being matched up with the Spanish exchange student prolly as we speak, dear God please let it be someone who I'll get along with really well. I'm really excited though, as we're all girls going and they're practically all guys coming back and they're older than us. I'm going to have so much fun!

I've never really bought Christmas presents for friends before, I've been forced to do it for family which I hate, but this time I want to do it because I want to do it. I never used to buy birthday presents either, but I've started doing that too. I have changed and I'm going to keep changing (for the better) and if I do get presents for people, they'll prolly buy something for me back! :) But it's difficult because I'm not sure what I can get, and I don't want it to be expensive. Soaps, chocolates, earrings, gift cards and that's basically all the ideas I have. But I will not be defeated.

I got a solo in the gospel choir I go to, but I don't really want to do it. I know I'll really regret it if I don't, but I haven't gone through it once with them since the audition and how the hell can I just sing it out of the blue in front of the whole choir who are all like 10 years and older than me. Nuh uh.

That's basically all I can think of for now, I really miss reading about you guys, so if there's anything really cool going on or anything you want advice for in your lives, please let me know, and I'll be more than happy to respond. :)

5 smiles| make me happy?

XO [01 Nov 2006|09:13pm]
[ mood | tired ]

My life = reallyreallyreallyreallyyougettheideareallybusy.

I can't think. It hurts too much.

But I'm lovin' it.

1 smile| make me happy?

So much to do, so little time. [27 Oct 2006|11:47am]
[ mood | complacent ]

Georgia's party was absolutely brilliant! We were dancing til about 2 or 3, the food was great, the people were great and my outfit was great. I had bought this dress which is suitable for a 21 year old when I was about 8, so I never really wore it because I wasn't developed enough, lol. But I decided to try and put it on and it was perfect and made me look really slim and curvatious! Wahoo! We slept in their tent, just Georgie and I and John and Robin and played truth or dare until about 5. We also went on the trampoline and killed each other in the darkness of night. But what was really interesting was the game, which was basically just truth, and I found out quite a lot about the other sex, lol. One of the things I asked was for the boys to rate me 1 to 10 and I got a 6/7 and an 8 from John and I find this absolutely wonderful, because to know that I don't look that bad to guys is really comforting to know. ^^

I might be starting archery with Georgia, it all happened because of some complicated lying with my friend Zoe who I was going to go to the cinema with on Monday, but went somewhere else with Georgia instead. It was so stressful and confusing though, and I cleared it all up in the end and told the truth and Zoe was fine, but I don't know how lyers actually do it, like, all the time. I never want to do it again. But I guess it was a good experience for me to go through, and luckily it didn't happen with a friend who might be a bit less forgiving.

I had a good time at school for three days, we painted the set and everyone thinks it looks bloomin' awesome! *grins* And I helped out with bits and bobs the next two days. I'm actually going to be a proper stage manager and have a script with all the set changes and be in charge of props and things.

I saw The Guardian last night. It is soooo good! I can't stress enough how much I enjoyed it. I wasn't expecting it to be that brilliant which is why I found it to be so fantastic. It was really funny, Ashton Kutcher is cute and acted really well, perfectly suited to his character. I'm glad that Kevin Costner was good, wasn't amazing but he played well. God, I was in stiches and I can't remember the last time that that had happened when watching any film before, especially in a cinema with lots of other people. I want to own it! But the emotional bit that they have in films where you're supposed to cry, didn't make me cry, that was a shame. However, overall, bloody fantastic!

I hate doing Spanish, it takes so long and I'm not enjoying it, I'm definitely not going to do it for A Levels, I just have to do so much work for it and it's difficult for me. It will be such a relief when it's over. I also have to choose a topic for my Art mocks, which is proving to be hard. I might do the Oxford Spires or Musical Instruments or Islamic Patterns, there are others as well but I can't remember them which probably means I should forget about them because I'm not as interested in them. But it's so hard to choose. Ugh.

I so love Riverdance. It is so utterly cool and amazing and I so want to do it. I will, when I am in London for that part of my life when I live in London, there must be a class there to join and do it in and I will be ever so happy. I would join a salsa class they have here in Cowley or my friends samba class but I'm just too busy.

1 smile| make me happy?

Life is too precious to waste. [21 Oct 2006|10:35am]
[ mood | tired ]

Well, I didn't get into Les Miserables, but one of my friends said something really sweet: "It's obviously because you're too good." Aww. I'm not that upset, because I'm already really busy and so I probably would've gotten really stressed. Although I still hope to to in big plays/musicals in the future and experience being a lead just one last time. Who knows, anything's possible.

I've decided against Russia because it seriously is overpriced, I researched some tickets on the internet and you can get a return for that time for something like £200. Not £800. All the other stuff we're doing shouldn't cost £600, I could get so much more education for that money. But I will go later in life. I want to go everywhere.

OMG. Best. Drama lesson. EVAR. It was absolutely hilarious. We were playing this game where you have to act dramatically and say I love you to the person sitting in the chair, and they mustn't laugh. And you have to look them in the eye and say something back. People were actually stripping by the end of it, and sitting on top of each other. God it was so funny.

Georgia's birthday party today, I hope she has the bestest time, she really deserves it. She's just been really upset lately because her grandmother made her this dress and she thinks it makes her look really fat and she just doesn't want to wear it at all. I'm dying to see if her opinion is true or not. I'm also feeling a bit anxious because she's invited a couple of friends from school, when the plan was not to, as she really dislikes this other girl Zoe who lives in the same village and didn't want to invite her and let her know about it. So I have to keep on covering it up by saying that it's a family thing, but I think she'll probably find out that other people from school went, so then it's not a family thing anymore. Emotions are going to explode all over the place, I can tell.
God, but Georgia phoned me at 9 this morning. 9! Does she not know that human beings need sleep?!

I was up until 3am last night talking with Ben who's pretty screwed up. He was smoking 40 fags a day, doing marijuana, drinking a flask of whiskey everyday, and using morphine every night and stuff. Insane. But it was such a waste because he is so smart, really, really intelligent. And it's a relief to know that he's trying to stop forever, he hasn't had anything for two weeks. We were talking about belief, why people live and work, and the reason for why things happen and crazy stuff like that, I've never had such a deep conversation, and it happened over msn, lol. There's still much more to talk about, he's just really lost in the world, he used to be Muslim, but is now atheist and even though he knows it makes him unhappy, he can't go back to believing because of all the new things he knows. I hope he gets through this and finds his happiness.

I think I'm about to get into a major obsession over Leonardo DiCaprio. I just found some good fan sites out there on the www and will be delving deep. And I'm going to make some graphics, of him, again, I haven't done that for absolutely ages. Ooh, I'm needing a new layout, ok, now to find some really good HQ graphics.

5 smiles| make me happy?

Travelling [17 Oct 2006|03:43pm]
[ mood | violent ]

Well, I was going to be in Spain two weeks from now, but now it's been postponed to January/February which is a relief. I have mocks coming up very soon and would have gone insane with the pressure, probably. My plan is this, I haven't been abroad for 5 years I think and well I'm practically making it up, in 1 year. I'll be going to Spain, Israel hopefully Uganda and today I just found out about this Russia trip, which I so want to go on. And I can do History for A Levels!!! W00T!!! All of this is loads of money, crap, but I have savings (which was for University) for this excellent cause, it'll all be such a good experience for me. And I'm getting a student loan anyway, if other people manage going to uni without money, then so can I! Wahey.

But there was one thing which pissed me off quite a bit, the most outstanding students in our year got selected to have the chance to go to America with a scholarship or something for a conference where 65 other countries also participate. I'm going to have to boast here, because I think I am so worthy, I have worked my ass off since the day I was born. Some of the people selected don't have grades as good as me and don't put in as much effort as I do. And just ugh. It is so biased! A couple others who are so obviously the cleverest people in our year weren't chosen, but luckily I know someone who can ask the teacher organising it why she is so unfair about this. Tis an outrage. Note: I can't go to Uganda and America so I don't mind anyway, but I'm just complaining about the fact I wasn't chosen. Lol, loads of other people were really shocked I wasn't chosen, too. See? I am justified! Heh.

I'm actually quite happy and jolly, but I like having something to be angry about, helps to release stress (and it's fun). ;)

5 smiles| make me happy?

Movie Fest [14 Oct 2006|08:55pm]
It's funny how the busiest and most important year of my life so far has also become the busiest year socially. I never really had that many friends, hardly ever went out and I didn't know what I was doing wrong. But it seems to be so much easier than I thought it would be. That's not hard for me to say because it just sort of... happened. Not that I'm complaining, I'm happier than I've ever been. I think I'm going to need a personal organiser diary thing now, my brain is working overtime to remember everything I'm doing, which is so strange because I never really understood why people need those.

I've also found the time to watch some movies. One including Nicole Kidman, I thought she was so overrated I didn't understand what all the fuss was about, so yeah, I just thought that she was average, but I also never really saw her in anything. So last night I saw Birthday Girl, where she's Russian and couldn't speak English. She was AMAZING. Flawless, just outstanding, and she was so beautiful and talented and wow. I loved the story, the ending was so unexpected and she was awesome. From now on I have respect for her.
I also saw The Nutty Professor which was pretty funny. Eddie Murphy is very talented to play all the different characters and use the voices.
And just now I went to the cinema and saw The Departed which is an 18, and I'm 15, mwah! But it was so good, seriously clever and totally doesn't make sense but I loved it. I managed to understand something at least, by the end. And I want Leonardo DiCaprio's babies. So bad. The ending was really funny, in the wrong ways, lol. But I would like to show this to Noam one day and he better enjoy it or else, because he told me he liked 'clever movies'. So I shall impress him with my good taste.
Oh yeah, I also saw The Devil Wears Prada which is seriously good, love it to death. Anne Hathaway is spectacular, I'm so glad that she's now getting into all these really good and more deep films, because if she hadn't that would've been so much talent wasted. And the film shocked me, because she is so thin and gorgeous but they called her fat! If she's fat then I must be off the chart! Crickey.
And in half an hour or so I'm going to be watching Four Weddings and a Funeral which I've never actually seen, as I never had the chance. But it's on TV so I'm not going to miss it. And Philadelphia is on afterwards but I don't want to stay up late again, I've had like 5 late nights in a row and getting up really each time for school. *yawn* I'll get it from my friend.

It's one of my bestestestest friends' 16th birthday on Monday and for once I felt like I really wanted to get her something special and spoil her. I don't remember ever having bought her birthday presents before, so now it's time for me to make it all up. I got her Shallow Hal, which should be great for her because she feels uncomfortable about her size and she loves Jack Black. She also loves Edward Scissorhands and I've never seen it so it's a large benefit to me. And finally a film with Liv Tyler, which looks OK but we just love her so how could it be bad. Lol. I also got her a huge 16 badge which is awesome and wrote her lots of random messages. I'm so lucky to have her, no matter how horrible I am she somehow manages to forgive me and cherish me.

I was also lucky to have my other mega good friend Gallia here. She lives in Scotland so I only get to see her a couple times a year. She also had this love for Noam, which was more of a crush I think, influenced by me, because she is 13, even though she's mature. And I was secretly upset about this, because I don't want her to have him, ever. Well, I guess if it is destiny then I will cope, but not at the moment. So she suddenly felt nothing for him, I was really shocked by this, but I think that when she next seems him again she'll love him once more, and I'll be sad. But I will act! I have to, otherwise I'd explode or something.
We all had loads of fun, we all went to the Oxford Gospel Choir together and then we went and saw The Devil Wears Prada and had Pizza Hut, yummy yum yum. The only disappointment was not having pudding.
And then we got to hang out at Georgia's house and went on the trampoline. I love our group of friends, it's so perfect. Cause of Georgia's brother and sister there's also John and Eliza and they also have wicked best friends and we all have so much fun together. W00t! (Except for Eliza's friend who's too serious and sort of made people all upset because she wouldn't let them ask for forgiveness when it was her fault in the first place...)

Anyway, life is good. And I'm going to Spain in two weeks or something, crazy. I need to get work from my teachers and I am already busy for most of my half term. Wowzers.
Hope that you are all doing good, sorry that I don't comment much.
4 smiles| make me happy?

For my brother. [07 Oct 2006|07:49pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

Hmm. What to write? I feel like writing about something special and quite deep, but I don't think that's going to happen somehow. Unless I decide to start writing about Noam. It's been over 5 weeks now, since I saw him. But I'm no longer sad or upset about it, I just like keeping track. Whenever I go into states of remembering as much as I can about him and all the wonderful things that happened in my summer holidays I always smile and am so grateful for what I experienced. Thinking about Noam could never make me feel melancholy again, which is very relieving. I also no longer have this desperate feeling to see him, it felt so urgent, but now I am calm and peaceful and will wait patiently until we can see each other again. And then, I will also tell him that I have feelings for him.

I've been doing a lot of work, we have mocks in 5 weeks. And I'm going to be away in Spain before then. I am going to be unbelievably busy, not that that's a bad thing. Because all of my hard work will pay off, and the days will only get shorter until the 21st of December, and then I'll be that bit closer to the Summer again. I'd love to go on this Uganda exchange which would take place after my GCSEs, in June/July. It'd be hot, hot, hot, but that's not a problem for me. About 50 people want to go though, and there's only room for 10 or less I think, so we have interviews, I hope I get chosen. I've never had an interview but if I really want this I think I'll get it. I'll also go to Israel in my Easter holidays I think, that'd be good. Don't how how I'd revise for GCSEs, I'll work it out.

I'm auditioning for Les Miserables on Monday, this is something that I have realised that I really, really want. It's strange though, because I'm desperate to be the main part, but in a subtle way. I find it unfair, as we audition the same day we get the music so we can't practice, and it has to be in a microphone which I have no experience with. But perhaps I'm at an advantage because I can pick up music quickly and easily most of the time. I not only want this for me, because I miss being a main character so much and I feel that this is my last chance while at school, but I also want do to this for my brother. I will do it for him, because it is now 2 years today since he died in an Al Qaeda thing in Egypt. And maybe because of this, it will help me get the part subconciously or something. Well, we shall see. But I'm going to pray for this, and if anyone has advice, I'd love to hear it.

I've spent so much money this year I think. I went crazy about yellow, and have a whole outfit and now I'm suddenly mad about red. So I'm going to try my hardest not to buy anything else this year, unless it's mandatory. I did get this really fit shoes though, £20 from £50 and they're so fit! I do need them, I've been wanting shoes like these for ages, they do kind of slip out at the back though, I'm hoping that that can be fixed with an insole thing. My Mum hasn't found out about them yet though, lol. It's been strange for me, I never really spent money before, because I never found anything I particularly liked. But suddenly I found myself liking so much and just wanting it all. And if I had the money on me, I'd just buy it. So now I need to start going out with a lot less money and just being stricter with myself, if I get addicted to shopping my life will be screwed for ever. And I'll be able to get a debit card soon too, and so much money would be wasted. Maybe I won't get a card for a while. It's hard because there's all this really cheap gorgeous summer clothes, and I have to keep on reminding myself that the winter is coming, wait until next summer to buy anything else like this.

I am so excited about our end of year ball. I've never done anything like this before and I've been waiting for this for years! There's also this Year Book that's being made for everyone which is wonderful and I'm going to be on the committe with my friend. I have vague thoughts that this guy wants to ask me to the ball, but everyone hates him so it's difficult for me. Even my friends have bad opinions about him which influences me. But he probably doesn't because he keeps asking other people. I don't mind, less drama for me to go through. I'd just tell him I'd probably go with him, but to ask me again closer to the time. I wonder if anyone else will ask me... Maybe I should ask someone? Who knows.

3 smiles| make me happy?

[18 Sep 2006|05:39pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!12$"^3469*5GHFh<mfSERTHY

The most amazing thing ever just happened. Noam spoke to me. This was our conversation:

dogleish@hotmail.com says:


dogleish@hotmail.com says:

how are you?

dogleish@hotmail.com says:

what have you been doing?

dogleish@hotmail.com says:

and how is school?

Noam says:

i am sorry but i cant taik wuth you now

dogleish@hotmail.com says:

ah, ok, well, we shall talk later

I still can't believe it!

I know, this is really sad but I've tried talking to him 8 or so times, and he never says a THING. I had a 50 minute conversation with myself the other day. So, um, yeah. I'M SO EXCITED. This is such a huge development. Because this means that he will talk to me in the future, and I know that he actually exists. W00P!!! I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that it said "Noam is writing a message." And I had given up all hope, so I wasn't expecting it at all.

Just. YAY.
11 smiles| make me happy?

Running away from speech. [17 Sep 2006|01:39pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Wow, I think I've totally become up to date with my friends page. Now I can post something myself. Well about half an hour ago I was quite angry because I spent the whole of yesterday and this morning doing homework. Practically non-stop. Unbelievable. It's the first bloody week of school, what is it going to be like next week? I still have English Coursework which is going to take ages because I'm not allowed to type it up and I have a couple of other things till to do. I'm definitely going to try and do more homework in the week, that will help me avoid the temptation of committing suicide. :P

My Hebrew learning is going quite well I think. We have one Israeli movie, so I'm going to buy some more to help me learn. I'm listening to Israeli radio right now and I'm onto the second tape out of four (which is really difficult and confusing but I'll know it all eventually). It's really interesting to be learning a language without a teacher, and I'm not even doing it properly. Sometimes I feel that I don't know anything, but I realise it's only been two weeks so I probably do know quite a bit. My mum seems to be pretty impressed.

I've been writing to my friend Gallia, I love writing so much. It's really special and something that I enjoy hugely. We also talk on the phone a lot, we didn't used to be so close, I've known her for years, but this summer we became so close and I miss her. We also both love Noam, and talk about how he never bloody talks to us on MSN. He's talked to Gallia once or twice, and even Georgia once, but he's never talked to me. At first I was becoming so upset about this, but I talked to Elisha and he said that he often doesn't talk to anyone, even in Hebrew. So Elisha gave me his address, so I shall write to him and see what happens. Now, I can't say anything about how I feel, just in case his mother has to translate for him and anyway, I've realised that I'm only 15 and I wanted to have my first kiss and be with him and stuff, but no. That's too young for me. I'm going to wait, 17 is a nice number, that's usually the age in movies and things. God, I must stop thinking that my life will turn out like it does in films. But you know, I'm going to be 16 this year (OMG) and I could legally get married, so a first kiss then wouldn't be so bad. *sigh*
In the Israeli movie I saw last night, this girl had feelings for this guy and they were in the army. So she was going to tell him and didn't, then he died the same day on an ambush thing. Now, ignoring the fact that he was gay, this is quite relevant to me. I must tell him, because what if something did happen and I had never managed to tell him, I would be crushed. So, I think that when I next see him and when I know Hebrew, I will tell him in Hebrew. What really annoys me is why I have to tell him? Why can't it just happen, you know? I want to know what happened with all of you on your first kiss/relationship, did you have to tell each other that you had feelings for one another or did it just happen? I saw 'Save the Last Dance' I think it's called, the other night. I really liked it. And it just happened with them, they both knew they liked each other so they never had to say anything. It would be so much easier if he just told me instead. x.x

2 smiles| make me happy?

First Timer [13 Sep 2006|08:09pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Well, this is the first time I've ever done a meme thing. I think. Well, on one of those pages. 

The 66% Positive Meme.

I know I'm behind on responding to all your entries, but I have gone through a couple of pages and will finish the rest soon. I'm just so tired. x) So leave me a nice surprise for when I next return.

make me happy?

Long time no see. [08 Sep 2006|08:52pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

Well, I am definitely one grateful person. I had the most wonderful summer, anyone could have ever asked for, and it's upsetting to know that it is over, that I'll have to wait another year to see everyone again. There was one point where I was desperate to update my eljay, but I managed to find someone else to talk to instead, which I'm rather glad about. I've realised that, although eljay is a wonderful thing, life is more valuable and important. No, I'm not going to leave, but I think that I'm going to spend less time here. I'll take a break from making icons, and focus more on my entries, and my friends, yes you who are reading this right now.

I have changed.

I spent over a month away from home, in Scotland, and learned to love being bothered to do things. Like doing my own washing and drying, making my bed, putting my clothes away, keeping things clean and tidy. Helping. Doing some washing up. I'm going to try and make homework a priority, I now even do a fitness routine every night, every morning I wash my face and moisturise, I try to have a shower every other day. But what is the main reason I am so different?

I met someone.

He is perfect in my eyes. I love everything about him. The only problem is, is that he can't understand/speak English very well. So I am learning Hebrew. Isn't it ironic how the first guy I ever really like finds it difficult to communicate with me. And I wanted, terribly, to tell him how I felt and at times I was so close that it was humiliating, but I just couldn't do it. Who could have thought it would be so hard to say a simple sentence? I really like you. There. This is so depressing. I even convinced myself that I wouldn't let him leave without my telling him, and what did I do? Ugh. I'm such an idiot. I only had a few times alone with him, and I didn't want to tell him in fear that the rest of the time with him would be really awkward. (Our group of friends were stuck together for around 2 weeks 24/7.) And when he was leaving, I didn't tell him because I didn't want to ruin saying goodbye. When the hell did it all get so complicated over something so simple? I always imagined that it would be the guy who liked me, and he was the one who acted and I would follow and live in heaven happily ever after. *cough* I'm ridiculous. Oh his hands. His face, his smile, his laugh, his expressions... There's literally nothing that he can't do. He plays the guitar fantastically, he beatboxes, he can do the moonwalk/robot dance, he plays football and basketball and takes my breath away. His hair is beautiful and his eyes are stunning. Where on earth did he come from? Those few sacred times when he had a deep conversation with me, which he started, blew me away. His passion for music is outstanding, and his ingenuity is mesmerizing. I never thought there could be an actual person out there who could do all these things and more, I thought my expectations were too high, there'd never be anything that good as I'd imaged but he just blew all that out of proportion. You can probably tell that I'm going to ramble on forever, so I'll stop now.

And he's my age. He has the most amazing body. Ok, I'm stopping now, I promise. Not just for you but for myself, I'll end up getting hysterical or something. I could be with him forever and ever and ever. I need to see him again. But I can't. And I need to tell him or I might explode. I could tell him on msn, ugh, that's the most horrible thing I ever heard. I'll write to him. But what if it ruins our friendship? Then it wouldn't be worth having him as my friend. If he is who I think he is, he'd understand and he'd be nice to me and say that it's not to be. It was agony not knowing how he felt about me. Just if I could know if he had any tiny incy wincy feelings for me. For crying out loud, he must know, I started the sentence more than once and I was always taking photos of him, and everyone else kept abandoning me with him so we'd be alone. I was being myself because I don't know how to be anyone else. This is so embarrassing.

I'm learning Hebrew for you, and I'm doing the fitness routine for you, and I'm thinking always of you. Wouldn't you be so freaked out if you found out that some person is so obsessed over you? I wouldn't, but I'm just weird. It would be really cool actually. I'm going to wait until my first kiss will be with him, or someone else like him or better, if there could be such a thing.

10 smiles| make me happy?

Sorry. [25 Jul 2006|02:23pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Ugh. This is a nightmare. I want to read friends entries and comment and update my own so much but I don't have any time to. I have a life for once. It's shocking. Well um, last minute sort of decision that I'm going on the train tomorrow, back up to Scotland as that's when we can get the cheapest tickets. It's been so disorganised it's really annoying, but at least I'm going. And I've never been on a train before, so that'll be so exciting! (I have been on the tube in London, though.)

And wow, I was so happy! I actually got to see Stormbreaker the day it came out! It was so brilliant! The acting was all really great, and now I know how it feels like when bits are cut out from the book and they were such good bits. Damn annoying! It was only about an hour and a half, I wouldn't have cared if it was 6 hours long. And I'm going to stalk Alex Pettyfer. When I get the chance.

And then I got to see POTC on Saturday! Woohoo! I loved it, some of the bits in it were extraordinary and it was just altogether great. I'm glad that it was long. And all the acting was brilliant too! Yay!

Well, I must finish this entry now, or I won't be able to catch up in everything else I need to do. I'll be gone until the end of August, so forgive me as yet again, I'll be very inactive.

3 smiles| make me happy?

[20 Jul 2006|09:16pm]
[ mood | sweaty ]

Well, I had a great day today! Lucky me! I was so determined to not mention Rosie for a few months but I just can't help myself. The spark hasn't completely died yet. There is still something between us. She has been going out with Ed for God knows how long and I had no idea! I thought that once you have a boyfriend you're all really happy and stuff. But she really is one of the greatest friends that anyone could have, I just don't know if she'll consider me one yet. She's going on holiday with Sophie and they'd planned it a couple months ago but she was really anxious about telling Megan who is really good friends with them. So she finally told her today, because they're leaving on Saturday, and she was crying, how considerate and thoughtful of her to be so attached to her friends so much. 
Sophie was going to the cantine alone and I got in there, just after drama, and went with her. After buying food I asked if I could stay and go with her to the field. I mean, how sad am I? So there was the group she hangs out with, Rosie and Ed and Duncan too. Charlotte also joined us but hardly talked, wasn't really involved which was unusual. Rosie was actually paying loads of attention to me and when she talked, looking at me to tell me all about it. And then she randomly metioned Peter Pan and I was like, OMG, Jermey Sumpter is love! So we have something majorly in common! I want to get a picture of him for her for tomorrow.

And um I spontaneously went to House Rounders at the last moment, which is always fun. We came 2nd out three, but it was really close. And I got to miss Jewellery which was great.

Just now I've come back from this pub where it was fully booked for the restuaranty bit, but we had this picnic thing. It was so weird, but rather cool. We had two strawberries and cream for pudding, and they cost £5.00 each. That's so much! And I discovered Pimm's. Fwee! It was deelish! And I added this other fruit juice to it too, which was lovely jubbly. I normally hate the taste of anything that even has 1% of alcohol in it.

That's enough for now, je pense que.

5 smiles| make me happy?

:) [19 Jul 2006|09:26pm]
[ mood | hot ]

Promoting sawyer_lims</lj>because I am greedy and want two extra skips.

I went to the Pitt Rivers Museum today. It was good because it was cool. And you get to walk through the Natural History Museum to get there which has dinosaurs in it. It was pretty much lovely, I spent all of the morning with Georgia and we always get along so well and we have so much to talk about, even after 15 years. But Melissa who doesn't really have any friends because she's so annoying and uptight, although I forgive her, tagged along the whole time and wouldn't really leave us alone. But we're too nice to say "shove off". I brought lots of sweets with me and had to share them with her because it would be awful of me if I didn't. And then I told my Dad to come and get me an hour late, so luckily someone let me borrow their phone so I could tell him. Dumb how in Year 9 I could walk off alone, but in Year 10 I have to get my Dad to get me. Depends on the teacher I guess.
And I was wearing nearly all of the colours of the rainbow, everyone commented on how bright my clothes were. Wahey. If you're an attention seeking blood sucker, you know what to do.

I so don't feel like doing drama tomorrow.

Sometimes I'll just really hate my Mum. It's like she's using me. All she wants is me to get her chocolate ice cream. They didn't have any normal ones so I got a Vienetta which are huge and she ate the whole thing by herself. Fat cow. Going to drive me mad sooner or later. Actually I haven't been annoyed by her for a while, so this is quite normal, and I'll have forgotten about it all by tomorrow, until she asks me to get her something else.

3 smiles| make me happy?

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